Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
dude. I can hear the air.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
