ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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