She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
