tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Ketchup is God's man juice
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize