we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Quick, to the slutcave!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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