Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Green mimosas i think yes
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sext me about skeletons
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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