i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
