went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
