I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
