i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
