I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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