I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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