Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
