then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
