his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
