Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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