So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
