Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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