Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
