it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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