Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just gift wrapped bread.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
