I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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