i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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