Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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