i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Its about making memories worth repressing
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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