You smell like stripper and shame
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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