no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize