I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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