hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
