he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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