We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
