We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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