Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
