I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
