Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
