I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also, beer. Big fan.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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