Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He felt like a one man threesome
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
