Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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