Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
