dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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