I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
