i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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