babies were throwing up all over the place
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
BRING THE BAGELS
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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