careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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