ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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