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i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
