What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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