is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
