i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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