This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just threw up on my dentist
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
