Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
