She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
