She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
