Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize