dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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