There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
