can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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