Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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