On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
