mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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