HIV tests are more positive than that guy
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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