I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
