I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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