I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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