I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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