false alarm. still invincible.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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