Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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