please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
