i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
