You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
