Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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